A very big fat SIGH!
I haven't blogged in a very long time! I miss it very much.
A lot has happened since summer 2014. Good and challenging news.
Came back from the summer holiday feeling homesick. I hated leaving Mr. E and my family. And the fact that I hated my job made it a lot harder to go back to the Island. Sigh.
I don't hate teaching, in fact I very much enjoy teaching. But the job itself is suffocating. All my energy and motivation is drained. I am capable of facing the hardships that get in my way- Elhamdullah. But doing something and hating it is one of the worst feelings ever!
It's amazing to see my students learning new things and get excited about a new lesson. I will miss them terribly. I'll miss their randomness, and how they make me laugh so hard. Their cute little gifts and birthday invitations. Their trust they put in me when it comes to telling their secrets and family issues.
These girls need someone to love them, not get bored of them, to care about them, and most of all just listen to them. Shockingly, their parents are not doing their job. It's very sad! You see girls bullying others, tomboy girls, girls who are so attached to others and just when the friendship is over between them they become devastated.
Teachers see a lot of things in their profession. It becomes our job to be the parents, guides, and teachers. It is not a bad thing, at all. But what we are being asked to do by our employers is not what the 'real' job is about. That's why I hate it so much. The fact that what I know I should be doing is not actually what I am doing or being asked to do, is just dreadful.
Now all I'm thinking about while being at work, is when am I going to leave here.
Another thing that hasn't been helping at all, is the fact that two of my best friends are not being considerate. Whenever I joke or say something lame, the way I'm used to, they suddenly don't like it.
Maybe I'm being sensitive, I have all the right to. I am leaving them soon and all I want is for us to be on good terms and super fine before leaving. Maybe they are having a hard time accepting the fact that I'm leaving, and their coldness is a reaction, but they should know that it's affecting me emotionally. How horrible is it to have serious breakdowns because of the only people who should do nothing but support and love you for who you are?!
I miss them. I tell them. Do they understand? No. I am just a pain in their butts.
I am also having a hard time going through scenarios of mama needing me and I won't be with her to give her a hand. Not that my sisters aren't reliable, but I'm her right hand, you know?!
I know it's life and we have to make decisions that are not ok with some, but in the end, it's us who matter at some point. And it's time for me to start doing things my way.
I will move to Egypt soon, end of January in'shaa'Allah. Will find a job, challenging, but I don't take no for an answer. Will start organizing things for my future life with le hubby.
Boxes are all piled up waiting to be shipped to Egypt. It's all so exciting. Sometimes I think that time is going so slowly, and other times, it's flying so fast. I know I am not making a bad decision. But I really hate the fact that I will be leaving mom at the time she needs me most. Mom elhamdullah is ok, but who are we kidding? She's getting old, and she's tired of work. She needs a hand and I hate that I will be leaving her physically. I am going to miss her so much. And I wish I could take all her pain and worries away. My heart aches at the thought of it.
My thoughts might be random. Everything is just scattered in my head.
But I'm a woman with a strong faith in Allah. And I know that He does nothing but all goodness to those who have strong faith and patience.
Wanted to write a recipe for the chocolate chip marble cake I baked yesterday, but that thought lead me to writing a post. How weird.
A lot has happened since summer 2014. Good and challenging news.
Came back from the summer holiday feeling homesick. I hated leaving Mr. E and my family. And the fact that I hated my job made it a lot harder to go back to the Island. Sigh.
I don't hate teaching, in fact I very much enjoy teaching. But the job itself is suffocating. All my energy and motivation is drained. I am capable of facing the hardships that get in my way- Elhamdullah. But doing something and hating it is one of the worst feelings ever!
It's amazing to see my students learning new things and get excited about a new lesson. I will miss them terribly. I'll miss their randomness, and how they make me laugh so hard. Their cute little gifts and birthday invitations. Their trust they put in me when it comes to telling their secrets and family issues.
These girls need someone to love them, not get bored of them, to care about them, and most of all just listen to them. Shockingly, their parents are not doing their job. It's very sad! You see girls bullying others, tomboy girls, girls who are so attached to others and just when the friendship is over between them they become devastated.
Teachers see a lot of things in their profession. It becomes our job to be the parents, guides, and teachers. It is not a bad thing, at all. But what we are being asked to do by our employers is not what the 'real' job is about. That's why I hate it so much. The fact that what I know I should be doing is not actually what I am doing or being asked to do, is just dreadful.
Now all I'm thinking about while being at work, is when am I going to leave here.
Another thing that hasn't been helping at all, is the fact that two of my best friends are not being considerate. Whenever I joke or say something lame, the way I'm used to, they suddenly don't like it.
Maybe I'm being sensitive, I have all the right to. I am leaving them soon and all I want is for us to be on good terms and super fine before leaving. Maybe they are having a hard time accepting the fact that I'm leaving, and their coldness is a reaction, but they should know that it's affecting me emotionally. How horrible is it to have serious breakdowns because of the only people who should do nothing but support and love you for who you are?!
I miss them. I tell them. Do they understand? No. I am just a pain in their butts.
I am also having a hard time going through scenarios of mama needing me and I won't be with her to give her a hand. Not that my sisters aren't reliable, but I'm her right hand, you know?!
I know it's life and we have to make decisions that are not ok with some, but in the end, it's us who matter at some point. And it's time for me to start doing things my way.
I will move to Egypt soon, end of January in'shaa'Allah. Will find a job, challenging, but I don't take no for an answer. Will start organizing things for my future life with le hubby.
Boxes are all piled up waiting to be shipped to Egypt. It's all so exciting. Sometimes I think that time is going so slowly, and other times, it's flying so fast. I know I am not making a bad decision. But I really hate the fact that I will be leaving mom at the time she needs me most. Mom elhamdullah is ok, but who are we kidding? She's getting old, and she's tired of work. She needs a hand and I hate that I will be leaving her physically. I am going to miss her so much. And I wish I could take all her pain and worries away. My heart aches at the thought of it.
My thoughts might be random. Everything is just scattered in my head.
But I'm a woman with a strong faith in Allah. And I know that He does nothing but all goodness to those who have strong faith and patience.
Wanted to write a recipe for the chocolate chip marble cake I baked yesterday, but that thought lead me to writing a post. How weird.
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